im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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