dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
