holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
