well I can't set my house on fire every night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
