you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
did you just send me my own nude
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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