so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
