clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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