loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
