Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
