I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
