I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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