he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize