you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
