Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
