$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
