I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
