I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
