if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
