I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You ruined the universe
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
