i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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