The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
