I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
