Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
