the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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