shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
