dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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