that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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