when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
