honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
