It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
