I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
