is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize