Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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