youre lurking in front of me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize