so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
