and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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