Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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