Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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