even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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