Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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