I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
