You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
