What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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