Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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