I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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