yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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