he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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