So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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