I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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