No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
