I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
