Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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