I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
ok first of all what the fuck
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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