Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
