She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
