i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
